If you’ve been following my blog (or even seen some posts) you might have understood that I HATE being out of work.
Aside from lack of income, the main issue was lack of direction. Lack of objective. Most mornings, I’d wake, and think “there’s no reason for me to get out of bed”.
So, both wishing to make others’ who are in my position’s life’s easier (grammar?), along with something to actually do, I started this blog.
As well, it has clarified where my priorities are. What I find important. What makes me, me.
The amount of tumult in spells of posting frequently, to nothing for weeks, helped me realise that this is perhaps, more of a recreation activity.
Or otherwise known as Piet Parra was another collaboration I just remember.
The fact that the fabric with Piet Parra’s prints where signed off with a simple “Parra!”
I really like his work now & think I probably did before I lost my memory, so because I want to share the joy, I’ll share his work with you here, & hope you like it as much as I do.
The more I research his work, the more it seems familiar. How annoying.
I’ve watched this several times, but it really is thought provoking.
It really investigates epistemological questions. For those who don’t know what epistemology is, think “cogito ergo sum” or translated “I think, therefore I am”.
We carry the same name throughout our live, but are we the same person? One of the questions you’re thinking is where is personal identity located?
We are all captured in our own bodies, but where is our personalities? A way to think about it is are our abilities or technical capacities aren’t very important (like speaking a different language or cooking a certain thing).
It brings up the subject of memories… it’s kind of difficult for me because memory seems such an effort, I guess now it’s helped me work on my focus.
Right now I maintain a lot of friends from my old life, for me we usually communicate over talking on the phone, but the thought that our physical self is not what makes me me.
John Locke attributed personal identity is made up of sameness of consciousness. I guess that is what we think identity. That it’s a combination of values, inclinations & temperament.
We are a bundle of thoughts & ideas, & the memory of us is a lot more than our bodies. I guess that religious people would say the memory of us would be remembering our soul. Well, when I hear that I instantly think we all have souls, or is that sole? Cause it is on our feet.
To my friends I say, I’ve “lost my memory”, which is a very good way of what I’m going through.
In my case, there is a focus on my memory, so I fixate on things I can remember.
Am I still me, without my memory?
Well, I think I am, & I think my friends would agree. I do still have my personality, I just have a bit of memory problems. No
I have a lot of external memory aids which I don’t credit at all, which I really should. Especially for other people who are in the situation I’m in who can learn from me.
Anyone who’s had a TBI becomes obsessed with recording (this blog is my way of recording).
I have diary, sometimes a dream diary. Which reminds me of certain daily activities.
Sometimes I just find it in my brain somewhere. I’m just going through the process of relearning everything I once knew.
I find that when I try hard, I can actually remember. So if I learnt it before, it’s in there somewhere.
What I learnt is that us, as humans, have very fastidious organs. You either “use it or loose it”.
I spoke to my speech & language therapist, who shed light on what happened to my brain, I knew little to nothing about my severe traumatic brain injury. I had a diffused amoxyl injury. My intervertebral & ventricular haemorrhages, which caused some damage to my brain.
To get very technical my skull (particularly the C7 spinous process tip) fractured. Bleeds caused damage to my optical nerve so i guess that’s why I’m blind in 1 eye.
There were many cuts all over my body, so all of them had to heal, but the body cuts mend a lot quicker than brain ones do.
My Sunday person is studying psychology, & he told me that you have two types of memory; episodic & semantic. You can think of the two like this; function vs fashion.
‘Fashion’ (or episodical) is kind of like things that you can imagine what it looks like, feels &/or sound like. You can actually picture yourself feeling the situation.
Semantic memory is where you just remember the facts. It’s quite clinical. It’s things that are common knowledge, like ‘ a strawberry is red’ or ‘a chello is deeper in sound than a violin’. However this doesn’t include things that you learn from experience.
For me, I’ve already mentioned I have quite a musical brain, so with that in mind, some songs bring back memories. Not that I can remember particular details but I know the lyrics, not knowing how I know them perfectly.
I have found that there’s a lot of “re”s in my life right now, meaning I have a lot to do again.
This is me learning things agains, or RElearning. It’s what I consider to be the new Leuty , trying to get the old Leuty again. It’s my voyage of discovery where I’m building the new me.
To start with I’m releasing how to walk again. The best analogy is walking, for me, is like writing with your non-dominant hand. Mentally & psychologically challenging.
Another, less physical thing is to practice my memory. I keep a diary, trying to record what I’ve done each day, & I test myself about what I had for lunch the day before.
