Appears when you come so close to not existing, the motivation to be extraordinary strong.
Seems other of my brain damaged peers seem to have this trait; but everyone wants to be an outsider.
This want turns into main priority after your brain is broken. Everything is pushed into a less important spot.
But here, people glorify those who have “got to the top”. They don’t realise when you go lower than bottom, making your way back to “normal”, is of equal distance. And takes as much energy.